Once upon a time, there was a parcel called Percy, who went on a great adventure, courtesy of the delivery Company known as UPS.
Percy was very excited to be leaving his home in Torbay for the first time, especially as he was going to the beautiful island of Guernsey. He had heard all about the sandy beaches, the majestic cliffs, the picturesque harbour of St Peter Port and the fascinating heritage sites.
Image source: OpenClipart-Vectors
Now, Percy knew he was a VIP – Very Important Package – because he was carrying costumes that were essential for the actors in “The Ormer Shell” to wear. Filming was due to take place on Monday 6th August. Many people in Guernsey were relying on him, which made him feel very proud. After all, what could possibly go wrong?
On Thursday 2nd August Percy set off on his journey, confident of reaching his destination within one or two days. He had been told that UPS was a well-established package delivery company. And, in fact, by Thursday evening Percy had reached Exeter, a city with direct air links to the Channel Islands. What could possibly go wrong?
Oh, hang on – what does Percy see? ‘Due to operating conditions, your package may be delayed. The package will be forwarded to a UPS facility in the destination city.’ Hmmmm, Guernsey isn’t a city, but it is the package destination, so all should be well. What could possibly go wrong?
Indeed, on Friday 3rd August, Percy set off from Exeter and arrived late in the evening in .. erm … Castle Donington. “Oh,” thought Percy, “I’ve been sent in the wrong direction. Never mind, East Midlands Airport has a direct link to Guernsey. I’ll be there in no time. What could possibly go wrong?”
Saturday 4th August dawned and Percy was on his way once again. And “Hoorah!” Early on the morning of Monday 6th August, Percy arrived in St Sampsons, Guernsey. His destination had been reached in time for the filming schedule to go ahead. Percy was very relieved indeed! Now nothing could possibly go wrong!
But what’s this message? ‘We’ve incorrectly sorted this package which may cause a delay’ Percy started to feel rather concerned. What was happening? Percy was being carried overseas again. Then realisation hit him. “Oh no!” he cried, “I’ve been despatched from Guernsey to Jersey. Why? I don’t understand. But I’m sure I’ll be sent straight back to Guernsey. Yes, of course I will. What could possibly go wrong?”
The following morning, Tuesday 7th August, Percy was on his way again, although he was beginning to have a little less confidence in the efficiency of UPS. “Still,” he told himself, “Very soon I’ll be landing in Guernsey. I will be too late for Monday’s scheduled shoot, which will be very inconvenient for the cast and crew who are awaiting my arrival, but I do hope they will realise it’s not my fault. And, at this stage, what could possibly go wrong?”
Percy had a little nap, because he was so tired from all the travelling. When he awoke, he yawned and stretched and had a little peek outside to check his whereabouts. “Gosh,” he thought, “Guernsey bears a strong resemblance to Southampton. Oh, bother! This is Southampton. I’m back in England.” “Never mind,” thought Percy, “I must keep calm. Southampton has a direct air link to Guernsey. I’ll be there in no time. What could possibly go wrong?”
Very soon Percy was, indeed, leaving Southampton and before he could say, “I hate, loath and despise UPS” he had arrived at … erm … Stansted. Percy had been travelling with very little rest for six days now, and he was starting to become rather tearful. He could only imagine how the good people of Guernsey who were awaiting his arrival must be feeling. “But”, thought Percy, “Stansted has a direct air link to Guernsey. I can be there very shortly. What could possibly go wrong?”
Percy felt too anxious to sleep but, sure enough, after some time he was on his way again. “Please let me get to Guernsey and then I will never, ever use or even speak of UPS again” Percy promised himself. Early on the morning of Wednesday 8th August Percy wasn’t altogether surprised to discover that he was back in Castle Donington. He was fast losing the will to live … Did I mention before that East Midlands has a direct air link to Guernsey? In between his tears, Percy endeavoured to be positive about his situation. “I’m sure I’ll be in Guernsey very soon” he tried to convince himself. “What else could possibly go wrong?”
At 9.24am on Wednesday 8th August Percy once again found himself in St Sampsons, Guernsey. He had hardly begun to celebrate when another message caught his attention. ‘Address information is missing. The package was returned to the sender.’ “Nooooooooooo…..” screamed Percy. “Say it isn’t so ….” Luckily (and Percy was surely due some good luck!) the parcel was retained in Guernsey and, seven long days since it began, Percy’s great adventure came to an end. At this point, Percy broke down and was inconsolable for quite some time. “Is it finally over?” he asked pitifully. He hadn’t expected, or wanted, to be transported all over the UK. He had hoped to bring joy along with the awaited uniforms. He only wanted to be loved. Percy knew that he would have to go back to the costumer. A return journey from Guernsey to Torbay awaited Percy. What could possibly go wrong?
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Monday 13th August - actors Toby Falla and Dave Hyett finally get to wear the uniforms
And now we have an exciting competition for you!
What do you think the initials UPS stand for?
Unhurried Painfully Slow?
Utterly Pathetic Service?
Unprincipled Perverse Sadists?
Undeniably Poor Service?
Please feel free to make up your own ….First prize is a parcel delivery via UPS
Second prize is two parcel deliveries via UPS !
